Would you please let me know what you think of this?

I definitely see potential for great work! It has the feel of a published young-adult novel, a genre I frequently read as a, erm, young-adult. You give concise descriptions which hold value and a power of precise observation. Your character descriptions are especially well-developed, and of course characters are what keeps me and many readers going with the story. This piece keeps the reader guessing- a highly unsubtle dangle before the eyes. Some of the flaring qualities, which give it an essence of interest, also contribute to what I DON'T like, for example the STAN stuff...I know that this is only beginning, but I would definitely think about making the Stan business much less blatant and subsequently integrating Stanbusiness with character-depth and the developing of themes; but keep the expectations there, the stanstuff is definitely a centerpiece to this work. Very nice job, albeit: impressive!